Casey and I arrived twenty minutes ahead of them and picked a table on the front patio under a heating lamp. The sweet and strong smell of garlic was in the air! Without much else to do, I found myself staring at the other patrons while Casey and I talked. At the table next to us sat two adults, maybe about my parent's age. They hadn't said a word to one another since we'd sat down. Not one word.
The man looked physically fit and healthy, but the woman appeared to be quite out of shape and sat with her shoulders slumped slightly forward, head tilted down. They ate in silence. They paid the bill with only a few words from the woman as she paid, spoken just to the waiter. And then they got up and put on their jackets. He walked out ahead of her, continuing to walk ahead of her on the sidewalk until I could no longer see them.
It was pretty much the saddest relationship I'd ever seen. Obviously I don't know the story, but they looked very unhappy and out of love. Maybe it was an anniversary of a terrible family tragedy. Or maybe they had just received bad news. Or perhaps they were just another sad couple who had run out of things to say and given up on trying to find happiness in one another. I don't know, but it made me sad.
It seems hot sauce is a cure for sadness. Our date finally arrived with two bottles of hot sauce for me and I forgot about the silent couple.
Then today I saw the story of another couple whose story was completely opposite of the first one, and was also without words. It was told in pictures on the Internet. Their commitment to one another is outstanding, and without knowing this couple either, it was easy to see the love on their faces. Their photos brought me to tears.
http://words2vomit.wordpress.com/2013/04/20/love-story-a-story-in-pictures-you-wont-forget-easily/
What I took away from both of these couples whom I'll never meet or know, is that people see you all the time. Whether you're posting your pictures for the public, or sitting at a private dinner table, people see you. How they see you is up to you. You don't have to be in love to be seen as a happy person, and you don't have to be out of love to be seen as a sad person. But no matter what sort of person you are, make sure people are seeing you as who you want to be. And I hope that's a happy, well-loved person. **HUGS**
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I adopted Autumn when I was 21. We shared a birthday in September and that made her extra special to me. The shelter in Martinez wrapped my new puff of calico in a blanket and handed me my "purrito". She was a cat who wanted to be carried in my arms like a baby from that day on. She loved being cradled and rocked. She slept with her body stretched out next to mine at night (like the little spoon), with her head on my arm and her paw placed into my hand. During the day she followed me around, mewing to be held. She was a good kitty and she was my baby.
Autumn and I spent the last 10 years growing together. Her, physically, and me, into the woman I am now. We found her sister a year after I adopted her and she loved cuddling with Phyllis as much as she loved cuddling with me. They both sat on my dashboard as we drove across country to live in New England and then back home to CA when we began to miss our home here. The girls drove up and down I-5 with me countless times. We spent so many hours together.
I'm 31 now. Two days after celebrating a year of marriage, my husband and I faced our first difficult trial together. We made the seemingly impossible decision to have Autumn put to sleep and scheduled it for two days later. It would happen on July 26th, two months before her 11th bday. She had been treated for several days at Muller and learning about her severe chronic kidney failure was giving us a more clear picture of what life was like for her. Even though she couldn't tell us, Autumn wasn't living the life I wanted for her, and was probably very "uncomfortable". We had to learn to inject her with subcutaneous fluid, which was just as hard on us as her and grew harder each day. I hated hurting her and she didn't understand why I had to; she was just scared. Dr. Adams and her staff were very supportive through this time and never suggested that we put her to sleep, which is good because it was definitely an idea we had to come to on our own. It was the hardest decision of my life.
For two days I was hysterical. I didn't just cry. I literally sobbed and wept and moaned while tears streamed down my face. I didn't eat and I could hardly sleep. When "the day" arrived I stayed home with my sweet baby and held her. I was needed at work that day but I wouldn't have been able to do anything productive and I couldn't go in, so I didn't. I was so afraid to let go of the bond I had with Autumn. I honestly was afraid that I couldn't handle the pain of losing her; that it would break my heart irrepairably. I selfishly wanted to hold her forever. I kissed her fluffy paws and talked to her the entire day.
In the hours leading up to her final vet visit I received hugs from lots of friends, and surprisingly LOTS of strangers. Animal lovers have bonds that connect us. People who had gone through what I was going through knew I couldnt be comforted, but reached out and hugged me; even though they didn't know me. It was amazing. We arrived early for our appointment. My throat was so tight it burned as if it had been badly scalded. My body ached and my eyes were extremely swollen. My nose was raw from using so many tissues over the last couple days. The staff at Muller hugged me now too. My husband held Autumn for me and we bravely said our goodbyes while she looked at us with loving green eyes.
Dr. Adams explained what would happen. We wanted to stay with her for both shots. After her heart stopped and her breathing stopped I could still hear her purring. I was terrified she was still alive. Dr. Adams continued to confirm that she was gone for a long time. She told me I was hearing Autumn in my heart. I could hear it the entire night. Even after we buried her at my parent's home, and after we returned to our own home; I heard her loud, familiar purr. It IS in my heart.
Thank you to Dr. Adams and Muller Vet staff for helping me realize that even though some decisions may cause a lot of pain, I would never want to be the cause of my cat's suffering. I don't feel like we waited too long or like we made the decision too soon. The time was as right for her as it was for us. I don't know when I'll stop reaching out for her in my sleep to hug her closer to me. But I do know I'll never forget her. She was the sweetest kitty and brought me so much joy; years of happiness.
Mommy and Daddy love you so much little Autumn. You were the best little kitty. I hope youre hunting all the bad butterflies.