!Cuidado! Piso Mojado!

Today started out as most days do for me: I slept in about five minutes longer than I intended. I fed the cats before leaving for the bank. I made deposits into two work accounts and then enjoyed a short drive to my office.

I almost always eat an exciting breakfast after I get to work. Today I had can of artichoke hearts from Trader Joe's, followed by some Chex Mix and hot sauce, a cup of microwavable Mac N Cheese, and 2 gummy vitamins. I drank glass after glass of refreshing water, improving the taste by adding slices of my Mom's Meyers lemons. By the time noon rolled around, I was ready for a bathroom break!

Our building has a men's and women's restroom on each of the four floors that is shared by all of the offices on that floor. It gets restocked and picked up every afternoon and thoroughly cleaned in the evenings. It's always felt super clean to me and a lot of times I don't even use a toilet seat cover. Yes, it's that clean in there!

Being clean still doesn't mean you want to spend a lot of time on a bathroom floor.  But just as I entered the door to our ladies room, my feet hit a small puddle of water and completely went out from under me. I have never fallen so hard in my life. My knee and wrist connected first and my hip and shoulder hit the floor less than a second later. I laid there stunned! Stunned by the shooting pain, stunned by the speed I went down and how fast it had happened, and stunned that I could actually move and seemingly nothing was broken. I didn't hit my teeth or my head so that was good. But I did hit my entire left side, and 150 pounds of Amy smashing onto one side really emphasized the extra 20 pounds I've put on since my wedding two years ago. But perhaps it was some extra cushioning too? I'm alright with extra cushioning if it's going to break my falls. Is this what getting old is like? You start falling down and getting hurt?!

A couple of hours went by and I can really feel the fall through my shoulder and hip and a little bit at my lower neck. I have a headache. I've taken 6 Excedrin and 4 Aleve. What's tomorrow going to feel like?  I  reported it to our nice building manager upon the insistence of my boss. I really don't feel like a wet floor is all that unexpected or unreasonable in a community bathroom. Some people need life to be a series of "Caution: Wet Floor!" warnings, because should they slip and fall and there's was no warning, it's obviously someone else's fault. But I don't want to see "Cuidado! Piso Mojado!" everywhere I go. I think people have an obligation to look out for themselves. If you see a wet floor, dry it, or alert someone. Step carefully! I thoroughly dried the floor in our restroom. Partly with my body, but finished it up with some paper towels.

I wonder how many people fell down around the world today, and how many of those people immediately looked up the definition of negligence to see if it was someone else's fault. I don't need to look up anything to do with slip-and-falls because I work for a terrific Personal Injury attorney. Sometimes a fall is just a fall (but don't tell that to an attorney). But sometimes there are dangerous situations.  To be fair to me, I wasn't in a hurry when I entered, I am pretty agile, and I was wearing tennis shoes with a good, solid sole... Plus I was completely sober!  Maybe some other Amy in New Orleans also fell down on a wet bathroom floor today after one too many lunchtime Mardi Gras libations. Hope she was as cool about it as I was. 
Happy Fat Tuesday to my NOLA doppleganger and me, and well-wishes for my speedy recovery.

"Flatbed" ~ As written by a retired CHP

My husband's grandfather is a retired CHP.  He recently submitted this to a local newspaper and then forwarded it to my husband, who shared it with me. With Pa's permission I'm passing along his story as a reminder to always pay attention when you're driving, and be careful on the roads, no matter what the weather condition.

"EDITOR:

When I think about my career as a California Highway Patrol Officer I always focus on a traffic accident I investigated maybe 40 years ago. It was during one of those early rains. You know, the kind that brings the oil to the top and makes the road very slippery. Two sisters, maybe in their twenties, were driving southbound on US 101 through Santa Rosa in a Volkswagen bus. You remember them. They were shaped like a loaf of bread.

The sisters were talking, like sisters do, when traffic stopped in front of them. The sister driving applied the brakes but the bus slid into the rear of a flatbed truck. The impact was pretty hard. The front of the bus caved in, pinning both sisters quite firmly, chest high, to their seats backrests. Fortunately, they were not injured badly. However, the maybe 6 year old girl, who was sitting on her mother's lap on the passenger seat, died instantly of blunt force trauma from the unyielding hard metal truck bed. Those sisters, as have I, have been mourning that sweet little girl all this time.

I had a 6 year old daughter at home at the time. It was the worst day of my career.

So I say to anyone treading this, slow down and leave some space, as you don't want to create the worst day in a California Highway Patrol officer's career. 

 

--CHP Retired--"

Goodbye, good friend

When a friend emails you at 8 a.m. on a Saturday, then sends a private message on Facebook, and then texts you to see if you got her messages, you would be inclined to think something important has come up. But logic would suggest if it were truly important, perhaps that friend would just call?

I recently received these alerts of urgency from a friend who was asking that I send her money using Western Union. She wasn't on vacation; she wasn't out of town; she told me she had car trouble and needed $120.00, but would definitely be able to pay me back in just a few days when she received her work check.  She actually went so far as to give me a specific date.

Whether it was my kindness or me being illogical, I called her to verify someone hadn't stolen her phone, and then I agreed to loan her the money. Western Union has significant fees to make money immediately available. Using our credit card to pay for this loan also incurred fees against our account. The total out of our pocket ended up at $155.00.  We confirmed with her that she was okay with this amount when it came time to pay us back.

Four days go by and I am relieved to see her text on the Friday she would be repaying the loan. Until I read her words asking for more money. Uh oh. New job; sick cat; rent due early. We heard excuse after excuse for weeks. Meanwhile, the money had been saved for a vacation to Las Vegas we had planned, but it was now unavailable for our trip. While on that vacation my cousin died, and I explained to my friend the money would really help with costs associated in attending his funeral. But this did not matter to our friend either. She did not care about the reasons I wanted repayment, but she also did not know that those weren't actually the most important thing to me. I needed the repayment in order to remain her friend.


Saying goodbye to less than $200 isn't really the upsetting thing here. It's that I trusted a friend whom I've known a long time. She came to our wedding, she recently left a surprise gift on our porch, and we've had a lot of fun times together at baseball games and bars. She has been a good friend and I feel like I've always been appreciative of that. But now it's time to say goodbye to her.

I guess I could have ignored her texts. I honestly hoped deep down that she really was having car trouble that early Saturday morning, but I also knew better. I could have said that we didn't have the money; or that we didn't want to loan it to her. But I hoped that if I were in a position where I needed to ask friends for money, someone would be willing to help me. I was that someone for her, but I don't think I helped anything. I certainly didn't help us stay friends. No good came of this loan. And now I have to say goodbye, good friend.  Perhaps, we both should have been reminded to "just say no."  I certainly would if I had it to do over again.

"My Cousin, My Friend, My Angel"

My mother’s older sister (Vicki) had only one child, my cousin Erik.  My mom’s younger sister (Sheri) has two children, my cousins Staci and Cody.  Erik was told in July 2013 he may only have a few days to live after being diagnosed with a very aggressive form of melanoma at stage 4. A month after that he was in a wheelchair with us and Staci at Disneyland as we celebrated my husband Casey’s birthday, but in too much pain to make it through a full day at the park. He couldn’t walk more than a few steps and it was a struggle even to get on and off the low impact rides. My Aunt Vicki  told me that Erik told her the worst thing about the cancer so far wasn’t the pain he was in, but that he remembered the day at Disneyland with us, and when Casey offered him a bite of his Monte Cristo sandwich, he was in too much pain to eat it and walked away from the table so that we wouldn’t see him cry as he called his mom to tell her.

For the last 4 ½ months he was in and out of the hospital with illnesses and for chemo treatments that initially gave great hope of shrinking the tumors. Then his liver had serious problems and chemo had to stop, which caused the tumors to return even more aggressively. Erik lived in Las Vegas for most of his adult life, until he returned to Orange County to live with his Mom during treatment last fall. He never drank or smoked. He was very religious and that kept him strong and positive through this battle. I felt very connected to him when I heard that his suffering ended the morning of January 30, 2014, while Casey and I were in Vegas. I had seen a beautiful sunset the day before that made me think of him, and amazing angels outside the Paris Hotel that also made me think of my cousin. Moments after we heard the news, it rained on us. A hot, Vegas rain that seemed like Heaven was crying with us, and lasted only moments.

 

 

 

Erik’s funeral will be on Saturday morning, 2/8/14. He was 36 years old. I am very sad about his passing but so happy his tremendous suffering is over.

 

I am one of the few people given the honor to speak in celebration of his life, and I prepared the following words the day we heard about his passing. It felt so natural to write about him that I didn't want to make any changes after that, so I've left it as it was originally felt:

 

(To be read 2/8/14):

 

I do not think I’ll be able to stand here and speak to you without crying, but I want you to know that even though my heart feels broken, I am standing here celebrating Erik's life. I will cry, but they will be tears of joy, for having such an amazing person in my life. My cousin Erik would not want us to cry in sadness for him, he would want each of us to have joy in our hearts, so with each tear, I feel my heart trying it’s hardest to begin healing. Erik would want to see smiles on every face and I’m going to do my best to give that to him.

 

My cousin is an amazing person.  He was kind and selfless and gentle. Through this incredibly difficult struggle Erik remained stronger and braver than I could ever imagine being, and we need to be as strong and brave as he was. We need to live as kind and loving as he did. His strength came from many sources. His love of the Lord and his faith in Christ were one. He knew he would be with his Father in Heaven and that God had a plan for him.  His strength also came from the love and support of his family and friends, because while he hurt, we all hurt with him. We traveled together every single step of the way with him. Even after it hurt too much for him to continue taking steps.

 

I will always have great memories of Erik. Every time I traveled to Vegas I insisted he let me come bug him for a little while. But the last time we spent the day together will always be my favorite. We celebrated my husband Casey’s 30^th birthday last August at Disneyland. Erik didn’t have the strength to walk and run through the park so we rented a wheelchair, and through the day, our Cousin Staci, and Casey and I took turns pushing him. It was so hot. He was having such a hard time even though he was just sitting. He couldn’t do a lot of the rides, but he rode the rides with us that he could endure and we had the best day ever. He kept his pain hidden from us that day. He didn't want us to see him hurting, not because he was ashamed, but because he didn’t want it to hurt us. Even when he didn’t have to, he put our feelings in front of his.

 

I want to live my life in a way that honors God. And I want to remember my cousin in a way that honors him.  I will leave here with a joyful heart, for having known such a special human. I will leave with a smile for Erik. And each of us will leave with the knowledge that even though we will miss being able to reach over and hug and kiss him, he will always be in our hearts, hugging and kissing us from the inside, instead.

 

In celebration of Erik's life, I have written a poem that I would like to share, titled:

 

“My Cousin, My Friend, My Angel”

 

Little children once we were

Playing together at Aunty’s, upstairs,

Hide ‘n go seek, Barbies, or Cars

Dinner, then nighttime, and prayers

 

We chased each other at Nana’s

Rolled around on the backyard grass,

Swam in the Jacuzzi, Daily in Summer,

We giggled and joked and we laughed

 

Adulthood moved us apart

But you were never that far away,

Our visits became less frequent

But in my heart, you always did stay

 

When you told me that you were leaving,

That Heaven was calling you Home,

I hoped for the best, then prayed with the rest,

But too soon, our loved one was gone.

 

As you now look down on us smiling, Erik,

And each day of the rest of our lives,

Remind of us your presence and love

In each flower, each smile of joy,

and every brand new morning sunrise.

 

 

 

What Love Is

Last Friday night we enjoyed some face time with another couple and went out for a dinner double date. I'd been craving garlic fries from Tower Grill in downtown Concord so we decided to all meet there for small plates and large beers.

Casey and I arrived twenty minutes ahead of them and picked a table on the front patio under a heating lamp. The sweet and strong smell of garlic was in the air! Without much else to do, I found myself staring at the other patrons while Casey and I talked. At the table next to us sat two adults, maybe about my parent's age. They hadn't said a word to one another since we'd sat down.  Not one word.

The man looked physically fit and healthy, but the woman appeared to be quite out of shape and sat with her shoulders slumped slightly forward, head tilted down. They ate in silence. They paid the bill with only a few words from the woman as she paid, spoken just to the waiter. And then they got up and put on their jackets.  He walked out ahead of her, continuing to walk ahead of her on the sidewalk until I could no longer see them.

It was pretty much the saddest relationship I'd ever seen. Obviously I don't know the story, but they looked very unhappy and out of love. Maybe it was an anniversary of a terrible family tragedy. Or maybe they had just received bad news. Or perhaps they were just another sad couple who had run out of things to say and given up on trying to find happiness in one another. I don't know, but it made me sad.

It seems hot sauce is a cure for sadness. Our date finally arrived with two bottles of hot sauce for me and I forgot about the silent couple.

Then today I saw the story of another couple whose story was completely opposite of the first one, and was also without words. It was told in pictures on the Internet. Their commitment to one another is outstanding, and without knowing this couple either, it was easy to see the love on their faces.  Their photos brought me to tears.
http://words2vomit.wordpress.com/2013/04/20/love-story-a-story-in-pictures-you-wont-forget-easily/

What I took away from both of these couples whom I'll never meet or know, is that people see you all the time. Whether you're posting your pictures for the public, or sitting at a private dinner table, people see you. How they see you is up to you. You don't have to be in love to be seen as a happy person, and you don't have to be out of love to be seen as a sad person. But no matter what sort of person you are, make sure people are seeing you as who you want to be. And I hope that's a happy, well-loved person.  **HUGS**

Dedicated to Princess Baby Autumn Face, my sweet calico

Resting with the sunflowers

When I fell in love with my first kitten I hoped we would spend the next 20 years together.  When she became ill a few months ago I hoped she would make a fast and full recovery. And when I was told her condition would only worsen, I simply hoped that she wasn't in pain.  Hope is sometimes its own curse.  I wasn't ready to say goodbye to my friend and I kept hoping that I wouldn't have to, even after I knew better. We'd spent a decade together and in my eyes we had another one to go.

I adopted Autumn when I was 21. We shared a birthday in September and that made her extra special to me. The shelter in Martinez wrapped my new puff of calico in a blanket and handed me my "purrito". She was a cat who wanted to be carried in my arms like a baby from that day on. She loved being cradled and rocked. She slept with her body stretched out next to mine at night (like the little spoon), with her head on my arm and her paw placed into my hand. During the day she followed me around, mewing to be held. She was a good kitty and she was my baby.

Autumn and I spent the last 10 years growing together. Her, physically, and me, into the woman I am now. We found her sister a year after I adopted her and she loved cuddling with Phyllis as much as she loved cuddling with me. They both sat on my dashboard as we drove across country to live in New England and then back home to CA when we began to miss our home here. The girls drove up and down I-5 with me countless times. We spent so many hours together.

I'm 31 now. Two days after celebrating a year of marriage, my husband and I faced our first difficult trial together. We made the seemingly impossible decision to have Autumn put to sleep and scheduled it for two days later. It would happen on July 26th, two months before her 11th bday.  She had been treated for several days at Muller and learning about her severe chronic kidney failure was giving us a more clear picture of what life was like for her. Even though she couldn't tell us, Autumn wasn't living the life I wanted for her, and was probably very "uncomfortable". We had to learn to inject her with subcutaneous fluid, which was just as hard on us as her and grew harder each day. I hated hurting her and she didn't understand why I had to; she was just scared. Dr. Adams and her staff were very supportive through this time and never suggested that we put her to sleep, which is good because it was definitely an idea we had to come to on our own.  It was the hardest decision of my life.

For two days I was hysterical. I didn't just cry. I literally sobbed and wept and moaned while tears streamed down my face. I didn't eat and I could hardly sleep.  When "the day" arrived I stayed home with my sweet baby and held her. I was needed at work that day but I wouldn't have been able to do anything productive and I couldn't go in, so I didn't. I was so afraid to let go of the bond I had with Autumn. I honestly was afraid that I couldn't handle the pain of losing her; that it would break my heart irrepairably. I selfishly wanted to hold her forever. I kissed her fluffy paws and talked to her the entire day.

In the hours leading up to her final vet visit I received hugs from lots of friends, and surprisingly LOTS of strangers. Animal lovers have bonds that connect us. People who had gone through what I was going through knew I couldnt be comforted, but reached out and hugged me; even though they didn't know me. It was amazing. We arrived early for our appointment. My throat was so tight it burned as if it had been badly scalded. My body ached and my eyes were extremely swollen. My nose was raw from using so many tissues over the last couple days. The staff at Muller hugged me now too. My husband held Autumn for me and we bravely said our goodbyes while she looked at us with loving green eyes.

Dr. Adams explained what would happen. We wanted to stay with her for both shots. After her heart stopped and her breathing stopped I could still hear her purring. I was terrified she was still alive. Dr. Adams continued to confirm that she was gone for a long time. She told me I was hearing Autumn in my heart. I could hear it the entire night. Even after we buried her at my parent's home, and after we returned to our own home; I heard her loud, familiar purr. It IS in my heart.

Thank you to Dr. Adams and Muller Vet staff for helping me realize that even though some decisions may cause a lot of pain, I would never want to be the cause of my cat's suffering. I don't feel like we waited too long or like we made the decision too soon. The time was as right for her as it was for us.  I don't know when I'll stop reaching out for her in my sleep to hug her closer to me. But I do know I'll never forget her. She was the sweetest kitty and brought me so much joy; years of happiness.

Mommy and Daddy love you so much little Autumn. You were the best little kitty. I hope youre hunting all the bad butterflies.